TOUGH LOVE
Can a person appreciate punishment?
Avimi exemplified what it means to treat parents respectfully, fulfilling the mitzvah, “Honor your father and your mother.”[1] Avimi had five ordained sons during the life of his father, Reb Avahu. Nevertheless, whenever Reb Avahu came calling at the door, Avimi himself would run to open it. While doing so, he would call out, “Yes, Yes,” until he would reach the door, thereby indicating that he was coming.
One day, Reb Avahu said to his son Avimi, “Get us water to drink.” While Avimi was bringing the water, Reb Avahu fell asleep. Avimi bent over with the water in hand and waited for his father to awake. While he was waiting, a Divine inspiration came to him and Avimi expounded, “A song of Asaf.”[2] [3]
What difficulty was there to understanding, “A song of Asaf,” and how was it resolved?
Is there a connection between the action of Avimi, and this particular psalm?
The psalm begins, “A song of Asaf: O G-d! The nations have entered into Your estate; they have defiled the Sanctuary of Your holiness; they have turned Yerushalayim into heaps of rubble.”[4] At first glance it seems that a different introduction would have been more suitable. The subject is the destruction of the Beis Hamikdash. A lamentation or dirge of Asaf, would have seemed to be more appropriate than referring to it as a song.
Avimi explained that even though there was destruction, there was cause for song. Hashem spared His nation and directed His wrath to the wood and stones of the Beis HaMikdash, as it states: “Hashem vented His fury, He poured out His fierce anger; He kindled a fire in Zion which consumed its foundation.”[5] Severe punishment had been called for. The suffering endured with the destruction of the Beis HaMikdash, was a merciful means to mete out judgement. This was the insight that Avimi gained at that time. Why was it then that he had this revelation?
Avimi had five esteemed sons. When his father came to the door, it would have been respectable if any of his sons opened the door to greet their grandfather. Furthermore, if Avimi responded, “Yes,“ indicating that he was coming, why was it necessary for him to repeat it? He wanted it known to those around that he was honoring his father.[6] He also wanted to make sure his father knew that he was coming speedily.
When Avimi brought the water and saw that his father fell asleep, he could have left, leaving the water nearby for his father to enjoy when he would wake up. No, that wasn’t good enough. He wanted to do the mitzvah of honoring his father. Therefore, he stood there, hovering over him, waiting for the opportunity to serve his father. The love that he demonstrated in caring for his father served as as a merit for him to understand the psalm which demonstrated the love of a Father, Hashem, to His son, Klal Yisrael.[7] Additionally, someone like Avimi, who experienced a loving relationship, was able to see it actualized not just between him and his biological father, but with his Father in Heaven as well.
When being disciplined does a person feel pain and/or love? How common is a relationship such as the one that Avimi had with his father?
Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Hershel D. Becker
[1] Yisro 20:12; Vaeschanan 5:16
[2] Tehillim 79:1
[3] Kiddushin 31b
[4] Loc.cit.
[5] Eichah 4:11; Rashi Kiddushin 31b
[6] Ben Yehoyada Kiddushin 31b
[7] Ben Yehoyada